I'm addicted to the new NBC sitcom Perfect Couples. The show follows a quirky, cute couple; an annoyingly anal couple; and a passionate, impulsive couple.
Perfect Couples does a really good job of demonstrating how the same person that once brought out your best is soon the one who pushes all your buttons…and I’m not talking clits. The women treat men like children, using words like “bedtime”, requiring their hubbies to ask “permission” to do shit with the boys, and making passive aggressive jabs that emasculate their mates.
“Men will always do the bare minimum unless we shame them into more,” one of the ladies instructs another.
The guys have gripes, too. In one episode, a male character complains that as soon as his wife gets home from her high-profile job, she changes into sweats and removes all her makeup.
“The world’s getting the 10,” he says to his buddy, “And I’m kind of getting like a 6.5.”
“That’s troubling, man,” his friend replies. “Comfort’s great, but we must require excellence from each other or the spark goes out. Amy wears an array of sexy bra and underwear sets. I return the favor by rocking tighty whities and Western footwear.”
The hubby goes home and awkwardly tells the frumpy wife in question that she needs to sex it up for him. She does, by donning a dress, heels, bouncy hair, and glam makeup.
“Here’s your 10,” she says sassily. “Now earn it.”
The husband agrees to a slew of extravagant dates—until both ball and chain realize how much work it is to look like movie stars and how expensive eating out can be on a regular basis. Soon, all they want is to return to their old sweats and couch potato habits.
I like chillaxin’ as much as I like going out. As long as there’s balance—and playtime in the bedroom—I’m satisfied. I think relationships run smoothly as long as the participants are upfront, honest, and take pleasure in pleasing one another.
My point is: you don’t have to be a perfect; you just have to be perfect for each other. Opposites attract. And they should. Imagine two of me together! How exhausting! I’d never get a word in edgewise! Or get out of bed, for that matter. I’d be living in a cardboard box (‘cause I’d be too busy getting busy with myself to bother with a career).
There are a couple of areas in which partners must match, however: sweet tooth and the other kind of appetite. I’ve been with men with such virtuous diets that I felt like a pig if I reached for a couple Dove Promises after dinner. Apply that metaphor to the bedroom and you can see why problems might arise.
So. The moral…or the motto. What women want: attention, affection, and appreciation. What men want: a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. Partners must be willing to satisfy each other's appetites. Everything else can be negotiated.
One more piece of advice: no one ever broke up because their partner spoiled them rotten. Might I recommend a hearty serving of favorite coupling? Peanut butter and chocolate. That’s a match made in hedonist heaven.
PERFECT COUPLE PIE
For the pie:
1 chocolate graham cracker crust
1 cup peanut butter
1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, room temperature
1 tub (12 ounces) Cool Whip, divided
1 jar (11.75 ounces) hot fudge topping, divided
½ cup sugar
For the topping:
2 tablespoons hot fudge
2 tablespoons peanut butter
• In large bowl, beat peanut butter, cream cheese, and sugar until creamy. Fold in 3 cups Cool Whip. Spoon mixture into crust and smooth to edges.
• Remove 2 tablespoons hot fudge from jar and reserve in zip-loc plastic baggie for later. Heat remaining hot fudge according to package directions. Spread on top of peanut butter layer. Refrigerate pie until serving time.
• At serving time, carefully spread remaining Cool Whip on top of pie.
• Knead hot fudge in baggie with hands; cut tiny hole in corner of baggie and pipe over pie. Repeat with 2 tablespoons peanut butter and pipe on pie in opposite direction.
• Serve. If that isn’t making love to your tastebuds, I don’t know what is.
Finally, a little ditty from Ani DiFranco to remind you that being in a relationship should be an "as is" agreement: